Delayed Flights

Looking out the window, I begin to see the little rays of sunlight making their way through the gaps between the cottoncandy-like clouds. It's way too early to wake up on this side of town, yet here I am jotting down keystroke after keystroke, barely noticing the birds chirp away and bask in their morning sunshine's glory. These sights are all too-familiar - this is what always happens on the mornings of my days. And it has been so for the past few weeks  already, yet everyday that passes brings with it a fresh, new sense of awe and wonder. You see, lately I've come to realize this one cliche that seems to never go away - that indeed, life is the only gift freely given.

Routines always have this two-sided dimension accorded to them. One, being that they allow you to run on auto-pilot for most of the time you're following that line. It's a kind of a floating feeling where you might be just going with the flow, yet you know that this certain flow is leading you somewhere good, maybe even great. It could be that this progress of yours would eventually become one of the finer things you've ever done, yet you only realized you did after it all - little things that add up and become greater than the sum of its parts put together. This is actually a good thing to have - similar to gaining a passive source of income, it brings with you a sense of security that security agencies never could. Security of thought, my friend.

The other side of the story isn't that much of a negative than it is a challenge - that in routines, chances are small that new and interesting things happen to you. Following one allows you to bask in some care-and-worry-free moments, yet personally this has an unusual way of unnerving me. Some people just have that tendency to look for action, to look for more new things, to do things not done before. And I happen to belong to the extreme of that supposed group. Like a hungry animal spotting his first meal in days, I'm positioned to always be ready to pounce once the opportunity presents itself - and even that show of relation is an understatement. You could say the point is moot though, and I might agree. Everyday is a routine, and you could choose whatever routine you would want to follow. Heck, you could even follow a routine of trying out new things. Be creative.

Now that I did get to mention security a while back though, there's always this thought that keeps popping up so much that I believe it wants to get mentioned in this post. What is meant by that line is that sense of security that allows us to carry on through unexpected delays and perhaps even lost time. Though there will almost always be never a situation for lost time - everything can happen anywhere, and lost time can allow us to do that. But the general tendency for people is that once something you expect to happen at a certain point in time didn't, and you learn that it's been delayed, you get nervous feelings of worry and maybe even angst and desperation. Human nature has this way of letting you feel you should already have that thing you expected, and yet more time still has to be undergone for it to be fully realized. It's generally not a good feeling to have. Yet, this is where a sense of security come in - once you have that, you don't give the delay much thought, except knowing that it will eventually come. And when it does, the feeling of finally getting it might even be more fulfilling than having had it the first time you expected it to come.

As with most of the things in life, time can be a game. The ways and means that go with how you utilize what you have will be crucial in gaining the upper hand in any situation. Trust me, this isn't a rant on proper time management. Think of this as more of a thought-based approach to handling time matters. For in everything that happens, for in everything that should have happened, and for in everything that will happen, time is that universal director that brings it all together and produces a wonderful play of things - and our actions and thoughts are the actors in this movie shoot. No matter what happens though, what we aim for will, what we aspire for, what we want, will eventually come - in time.

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for the win.

Lost Inspiration

So what do you do when this happens to you?

Come to think of it, the title of this post has been the general theme for the past few days. You see, going online for an ungodly number of hours per day has it's benefits - and this particular benefit I mean is that geographical communication borders are broken down greatly. It kinda reminds of the that old concept of a global New World Order, albeit this is more of a technology-themed version. Today, you get to communicate with just about anyone from anywhere, whether they be connected to cyberspace through your local internet cafe or from half way around the world, the setting would be the same - all of you are sitting down on some couch or some propped up chair, looking at a LCD with your hands positioned right in front of you.

When you spend time on forums and social networking sites, chances are high that you get to meet people with similar interests as you - trust me, the internet has a weird but cool way of letting that happen. Most especially when you guys go online at similar times, days go by and the mandatory pop-up chatbox with matching sounds becomes almost expected. It's these little trivial things that would be enough for anyone to keep on doing what he/she has started - for people who think like I do, you can never have too much connections in cyberspace. Of course, that wouldn't be a need if Google was your name, but that's beside the point. The thing is, there's always a benefit when you establish connections online - driving traffic, forum discussions, link sharing, back-linking, portfolio viewing, widgets, etc - you name it, you can have it.

The 'however' part of my story is this though - we can never deny that behind that geeky username and cropped thumbnail image, there's a human being with more than a decade's deep worth of stories to tell. And maybe even more. You see, when you do small talk online, there are tendencies for the conversation to go to a more personal direction. Which isn't really a bad thing - come to think of it, talking to an online persona has the advantage of knowing you won't get any negative feedback to those you share it with. 'Coz chances are, you won't even get to personally meet them at all. With that security, these 'people' then share some of their stories with you. Hell, I don't even know if any part of it were true at all - but if they were, then they'd make a good story for a blockbuster drama movie. Setting up the characters well, boy meets girl, getting deeper into each other, conflict arouses the subjects, crossroads, and the eventual ending - whether they be good or bad. It's these stories that some people never tire of - and there are those stories that just never progress in this line. One subject never gives in to the other, and though they both want to, the risk is not seen as something worth taking. So they wait and float in each other's thought, barely hanging to the concept of being happy with each other, though not doing anything at all to make that happen. This, then, is a cause for lost inspiration.

There are times in your life where you target something - something that keeps you going, something that keeps you afloat, or something that allows to be alive, even for the most meager of reasons. Some people call it a reason - others see it as hope. Others even see it as a great driving force for their everyday routines. For some though, they call it an inspiration. It's that little thing that seems to always to do two things to a person upon sight - one, that their inner selves give off a big smile because of the feeling they get from seeing that inspiration, and two, it allows them to do better. Magis, as how we used to call it in our highschool. Growth, as how business people see it. Optimization, as how computer scientists view it. No matter the term, more often than not there will always be that 'thing' that has inspired you and will continue to - even if the reason for the start of it being an inspiration has already disappeared.

As I carry on this day-to-day charade of the hibernating caveman, I realized that there are some things that need some time to be realized. Feelings can also be a dual-edged sword as well - as much as it can give you bliss in the most pleasurable of moments, it can also be the small, sharp pin needed to blow up a balloon bigger than yourself. You see, in a world ruled by duality, nothing is exempted. Not even immaterial feelings.

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keep fighting me. i'll miss it once it's gone.

This Sucks

It does.

So here I am, tending our store in earnest. For the past few days, this spot has been my office slash getaway. It is here I do my projects, read electronic books, get involved in forums, and check up on new stuff around cyberspace. Not to mention the other daily routine of checking my mail and listening to my playlist in iTunes (which most of the songs there don't come from my personal downloads). Plus, this spot gives me the chance to take advantage of the lull moments of the day and get to focus on my work. This, then, serves a double purpose - because as much as being the only person tending the store for more than the usual number of working hours in a day is boring, it also allows me to devote more time to working and finishing projects and ideas.

It is a personal fault of mine that I have not been able to update this blog as much as I wanted to. You see, priorities have to be set in order for things to go smoothly, and lately I was given a big assignment that I hopefully will be able to finish soon. It gives a big bonus, plus it can give this great friend of mine, Nico, get involved as well. Speaking of him, I would like to devote this one line in this paragraph to him and give him a shout out:"thanks!" for coming over yesterday. Your presence assured me that there is still a society I will be going back to soon enough.

Going back on that assignment, there are going to be new things that will be implemented, mainly the reason for the added incentive. It's not something I'm totally a complete idiot at, but it will take some time to review, master, and implement.

Now here's the catch - I haven't had good sleep in a few days as well. At times, this concoction called Coke would be the only thing that's keeping me awake. That means that as much as I try to be aware that I am sensitive to even little trivial things, there will be times when these little things can cause my temper to overheat. I admit that I might have already mustered some resolve to keep emotions to myself - I have already been practicing it for quite a few years now. However, my status right now isn't something I want to stay in. What I just need is some rest, but as it turns out my schedule won't allow me. And besides, the stubborn side of me doesn't want to let up until everything gets exhausted to almost nothing.

Do not get me wrong though - I am enjoying what I'm doing. Even the most little of consolations in doing this would be reaping me great rewards. So as it goes, the only way to refine gold is through the fire. I just hope that I don't stay in the furnace for too long and eventually evaporate into the atmosphere (though that would be cool to do, right?). Seriously, this blog of mine has recently been of great help, because when you're playing the role of the hibernating caveman, you'd do anything just to remain sane. And part of the requirements of being sane would be some medium to let out all the emotions of a 19-year old kid.

So here I am, going on one of my rants once again. I don't expect you, my friend, to get anything productive out of this, though I still hope you would. I know I did.

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Yes, I admit it - I miss you. Damn.

Burning This Night Away

A couple of years ago, I assumed that this certain "thing" would just pass. You know, just one of those trivial things you did when you were young and you thought the world wasn't big enough for you to conquer. Or even similar to the things you'd tell yourself when you're in the mid-life stage, and you look back to those things that made up for one colorful youth. But hell, I was dead wrong.

I can't really remember the last time I did a post on this blog, but I would just like to make one thing clear - our internet connection wasn't shitty, and neither was our electrical system. You see, the truth is that for a summer break, it has become an irony that I need more than twenty-four hours a day just to satisfy myself with the things I'm doing. And the greater irony here would be that I'm actually enjoying myself. Despite the all-nighters, all the hibernation, and all the eye cells that have lost half their supposed lifespan because I never rest them, I actually am loving this thing I'm doing.

So you might ask what is it I'm rambling about, something I might have intrigued you with because I've been giving our superlatives without really mentioning any subject matter. And it is here I shall disappoint you if you were expecting me to share it out in the open. However, it would be shame to totally deprive you of knowing it, and because I like sharing to people, a clue would be enough information for now. Yes, that would mean that I'd divulge whatever addiction I have soon, just not right now. So here's the clue - the letter W.

So much for a build-up, right? ;p

Other things aside, these last few days have been real cool for me. First and foremost, I realized that I could still go on with my plan of opening senior year with long, uncut hair and even more unkempt facial hair. Yes, I shall literally take this whole "hibernating caveman" charade of mine, and the results that it will give still escape me. You see, this became possible when I chose to have a home-based OJT instead of going for the six-month contract of Alliance. It was a real bummer at first, but then I realized that going for the medical website would be better suited for long term planning. Plus, I get to help my mom in the store too, so that makes it even better.

On a personal note though, there are a few people I'll be missing (and one I already am). There's this one friend that's going back to Manila in a few days, and she won't be back until December. What makes it a bit harder to fathom is that we were supposed to meet up two days ago, but due to unplanned circumstances we weren't able to do so. So yeah, it'll be nine months until we can see each other personally again. Wishing you all the best bp! :)

To the information of everyone, the earliest day I shall get out of this house will be on May 18, and that would be because we need to pass a requirement for our summer practicum. Until then, I will be at home playing my role as the hibernating caveman and devoid myself of social responsibilities for a while. This should be fun.

Yes, I will miss a few people. But despite that longing, it seems it will all be for the better. I guess I need this time too.

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i just long to see you right now.

Evening Sunshine

As I begin writing this down, the rest of the compound rests in deep slumber and utter silence. Maybe except for some who are healthy enough to be snoring, or in really deep sleep to have saliva be the only thing in motion, it would seem like I'm the only one awake as of the moment. Yes, it's another early morning wake-up for me, as I try and finish what I began last night. However, due to the constraints of what I was doing, I never got time to drop in a few words here, so this time I'll me making it up to you.

Most of the people that know me personally, or follow my posts since highschool, will realize that I love to introduce contradictions in almost anything I do. This post's title, as you'll notice, will be no exception. You see, there's a certain beauty of realization in contradictions - they almost always make me stop in my tracks just to delve into my thoughts and see for myself the intricate details and relationships dedicated to opposites. Yin. Yang. Black. White. North. South. These polar opposites are not just simple matters of aesthetics, or that contrasting colors will always have a beautiful outcome. It goes way beyond that - it touches matters of life itself.

Having gone through life for almost two decades now, there are many road signs I've seen along the road. Some are just plain out in the open, where anyone passing by can see them without even the slightest effort of turning their heads. Then there are some road signs that are totally opposite - these are signs that only a few even bother to notice, and even fewer that actually give time to examine their find. These are what I call life's gifts to everyone, and though not everyone would cherish what's given to them, I still stand by the concept behind gifts. And it is this - that with gifts, it's the thought that counts.

One such gift I came upon which awed me in the most unimaginable way was a lesson in duality. This would delve more into the side of metaphysics, rather than the physical Newtonian physics we all learned at least once in our lives. 

One time, our professor in Social Sciences 2 asked us to watch her favorite episode of Star Trek. This episode's theme was the concept of justice and democracy. It was an over-all good episode, though it ended up with us having to write a reaction to be passed the next meeting. In this case though, it was the show's little technicalities that got me thinking somehow about the need for a negative force in someone's life so as to achieve an even greater positive. You see, in this show there was a planet aptly named "Earth", where all the inhabitants were just plain naive and innocent at the same time. The places were they lived were composed of lush gardens, beautiful scenery, and the look of nature at its most natural. Heck, even the people wore pieces of cloth that were all white, except for the occasional accessory for the women. But here's the catch - they lived in peace and harmony - too much of it. Due to their exceptional ideals of wanting nothing to do with harm, agony, and chaos, they deprived themselves of knowing what it was to go through the negatives in life and continued to carry on with their ways. This posed such a problem because they weren't prepared for events that were out of their daily routines - and with that simple event, they all didn't know what to do and thus ended up in the situation they utterly didn't want to be in - a place of confusion and desperation.

On a personal note, this episode showed me the value of the black in the white, of the yin in the yang, of how the champion values his opponent - because without him, the champion would be valued a little less. While it's great to have such a good, carefree life, it would be even greater to lead the ideal good life while having had experience in the opposite situation. Why, you ask? Because as I see it, there are a good number of people I know that are going through the best times of their life because they went through the worst  of it and lived to tell the tale. It is this situation that should somehow inspire the rest of us to think about negatives in a more positive way - and that to be complete, you would need to master the duality in all things. Once you do, you take control of the positive and you live the best times of your life.

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there's a difference. and then there's THE difference.

Harvesting Moons

For those of you who might have a sudden nostalgic response upon reading the title, do not worry - the game is that good that even after ten years from its release, some gamers still play it. It's one of those console titles that never gather too much dust on our shelves because it often gets played, as compared to some that one playthrough is more than enough. Yes, its really that good, and I hope I've convinced you enough that it is. Because it is.

 However, if you thought this whole post would be dedicated to convincing you of the greatness that is Harvest Moon, then you should think again. Heck, this post won't even cover any real aspect of the game, maybe except the title. And it's the title I shall begin with. Did you ever wonder what that game's title literally meant? After some careful thought - and maybe some wild, obnoxious ideas - I concluded that if you didn't have any idea, then neither did I. However, on a figurative point-of-view, I could say that I'm more than playing the video game - I'm actually living the title. Why, you ask? Simply put, my sleeping times lately have been short. I've slept late, and woke up more than an hour before anyone else in our compound opens their eyes. There are a good number of reasons for this, but it's those that could just have been disregarded if I actually valued sleep at all. Let me explain.

I've been spending most of my time on cyberspace lately. Going by the rules of probability, the more time one spends online, the higher the chances that one's status in that place increases. For the past few days, I've been scouring social networks and web forums, digitally interacting with people whose only hint of an identity is a username and a thumbnail image. As conversations come and go, I've met 'people' that I actually enjoy having conversations with. I've also come in contact with big business people that are asking me to go into a sub-contractual agreement that involves me making websites and templates. Aside from that, there's also this personal site I'm currently building, which I will be launching once I get my hands on that domain name I'm desperately going after.

You see, barely one month into the summer break, and I'm already this fulfilled. The only thing that's different from previous experiences of this kind is that I'm starving for more. Not an hour goes by that I don't read up on a tutorial, nor download an e-book and get it's gist, nor even give the theories a run and seeing what application can do to promulgate theory. Yes, the attraction it has for me is so strong that I've even entertained the thought that sleep is a waste of time. Damn you.

On the lighter side of things though, I have to tell you that I'm enjoying my time this summer. Productivity seems to be going hand in hand with fun and relaxation, and it's one of those rare times when you're letting the day carry you forward, securely knowing that you're headed to the right direction. There are things, though, that I'm still waiting for - such as the final telephone call from Alliance, and an e-mail from a contact somewhere in Europe regarding that contract. Yet these haven't really hindered me from having a smile across my face, especially when someone you sorely miss comes online and updates you on things happening in the land of the rising sun (bleh). Little things such as this make for the icing on the already-delicious cake that is my summer break so far. And I hope this continues to become a feast to be remembered through the ages. :)

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there is no competition. and i'm not looking for one.

Coast Rolling

No, I haven't been to the beach since my last post. And neither have I been to an amusement park and tried the roller coasters. As much as it would be great to have done both, the fact still remains that my life right now still exempts me from experiencing such nirvana.

This would be my first "valid" post in four days, and if you're wondering why the adjective 'valid' ever came into the picture, that explanation shall be more than enough to suffice any questions on my whereabouts for the past few days.

To tell you honestly, the week started out with us receiving a notification from our school's Office of Student Affairs that in order for us to proceed with enrollment for Summer Practicum, we had to go through a seminar on Anti-Sexual Harassment. This wasn't because our batch had issues in this matter, but since we were getting into the real world through practicum, the OSA found prevention to be the better option than cure. But it didn't really matter that much - I didn't listen like I should. And if there was at least anything learned in that seminar, it was that it's always a bad idea to pack more than seventy percent of our batch into the ILC room - the heat kills.

That day was followed by Summer enrollment. To the information of everyone, there was an improvement in the system of how students enroll in the university. To go into the specifics of these improvements would be bad - it's always an adventure to do something new for the first time, and I wouldn't want to deprive you from such an experience.

I finished my enrollment early on the second day, after which I decided to just hang around school and be with my batchmates as they continued on with their responsibilities.

The following day had me at the campus at mid-morning, because our Summer Practicum adviser, Prof. Pauline Wade, wanted to meet us by noon time and inform us of our further requirements for the subject. The fun part of the day came after the meeting ended, wherein Gabby and I were supposed to have lunch but ended up with a welcome addition - Ian Virrey. The three of us ate at Royal, a UP Cebu student's favorite, and there was the usual small talk and the occassional jokes. What really made it memorable was that Ian and I were somehow ganging up on Gabby as we lambasted her with comments about her lost laptop (with all good intentions, I must say). Add to that Ian's really hilarious stories, especially the one of her cousin and her dad, and our hour-and-a-half stay at Royal became one such memorable experience. Heck, we enjoyed it so much there were tears of joy running down someone's face even before we left. I'll leave it to you to guess who that person was.

So I took the day off from leaving the house yesterday, and decided to start with studying Content Management Systems (CMS) such as Drupal, Joomla!, and Wordpress. I also finished setting up my localhost server using Wampserver, and I'm planning on creating a new website that I'd like to try out first locally before launching it on to the web.

Honestly, the last time I felt this enthusiastic was way back four years ago during our summer break before senior year. It was there that I decided to read ahead and study on HTML/CSS, knowing it would be useful once the schoolyear started. Right now, it's more focused on CMS and it's features. But still, that same feeling is something I always get to smile at whenever it passes through my thoughts, simply because there is pleasure in studying new things, and even greater pleasure when you enjoy doing it.

For today, we finally had that much awaited final interview with Alliance Software, and as much as we're assuming that we've already been accepted in their fold, we're still crossing our fingers in the hopes that all will be well. If I do get to be accepted, I will carry on this medical website a friend and I are working on, and at the same time work at Alliance. They both pay, and I'm not referring to economic resources. Experience is something that you can never have enough of, and it is that thought I'll be carrying on for the next few months.

All in all, my summer's going fine so far. As early as Tuesday, I might already be working in a company that I believe is competitive enough to teach us the bumps of the industry's real world situation. Put in the fact that I'm not feeling stressed at all, and things might just be going in a path for the better.

As I told my two great friends just this afternoon, I hope my summer plans push through. :)

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the only person you have the right to dominate is yourself.